Little things.

Yesterday night the lab went out to celebrate Alex' (My tech) birthday. Of course I am going too. We go to Einstein's where they have that good Mojito Happy hour special. :-)

We are having a good time and lough a lot. Its 6 of us: Alex, Florian, Monsi, Julia, Alex and Sebastian. All the techs (Julia/Alex) and graduate students (the rest). I do get home around 1:30, I call Hui on Skype. Nice to be able to have a goodnight chat around the globe. I love the internet (unnecessary to say, look what I'm doing) ;-)))

I am having thoughts about "socializing with employees", but I decide to not let that get to me. I want to act myself and not assume a stupid artificial Boss-attitude. Sorry, if this is wrong, so be it. In my "carreer", I made so many mistakes (such as being a postdoc in a lab that is not along my interests (cancer research) and obviously did not make me happy for 9 years! Logically without significant output.

Surprisingly despite of the Mojitos, getting up in the morning is easy today. I decide to stop by the "Bezirksamt" (its on the way to work anyhow) to pick up my German ID card ("Personalausweis"), I applied 2 1/2 weeks ago they told me it takes about two weeks. If I don't pick it up within a certain time period it will be "sent back and destroyed". Don't want that to happen. Of course they are closed all friday. Old rule: Never visit a German office without checking the hours. But as the sky is blue and the sun is coming out I am in a good mood and small things such as office hours do not bother me. I ask the guy at the entrance about the procedure. "Will I be notified, when I can pick it up?" Surprisingly he doesn't know (WHO should, if not he?), and becomes a bit defensive, probably because he expects me to get annoyed. But I'm in this easy mood where nothing can get to me. So I am very polite and friendly. Sometimes I can enjoy consciously acting against the expectations. (you remember "Der Himmel über Berlin"?) Unfortunately this mood is kind of rare and usually out of reach when it would be needed most. There is "Cafe Allaf" across the street down the road. Being up early I have my favourite drive-by (bicycle!) breakfast: a "Mettbrötchen" and coffee. The "Mettbrötchen" is a typical Hamburg -thing and will probably gross out the average non-local eater: its a roll with ground pork (raw) on butter, topped with a few chopped onions. Very basic and I love it. Together with coffee (milk, no sugar) its one of my favourite early morning breakfast things. YEAH! I'm strange.

Its strange how little things can make you feel good.

I love living in a city. A busy, crowded European city with PEOPLE on the steets and cafes and public transportations and riding a bike, not only in the sun as today, but even in the wind and puring rain. It makes me feel alive.

I feel very much at ease with myself. I am glad to be out of my old Lab at Salk.

I only realize this now that I am gone, just how bad l felt there. And how much I enjoy to be appreciated professionally. Don't get me wrong, people in my old lab were nice and liked me too, but there were too many things going on "underneath". And somehow, I never felt anyone (some exceptions apply, especially towards the end of my time) appreciating my work.

Hey I'm a scientist. Still! And I am enjoying it! And I'm alive. Very much. And no, I'm not on drugs, just feeling good! ;-))